Glimpses of heaven

Some views from Samruddhi, words can't describe the peace I feel when am amidst the greens! What better way to welcome the New Year - with a heart full of peace and contentment. Am in a place, a moment to be cherished for what IS;  this, here, now ... The eternal truth.

Crests and troughs

After a hiatus am back. 

Should I say there was a lull in life or should I say there was so much happening that I didn't have time to assimilate it all ? Both are true and false, depending on my mood on that day ! 

So having coming out of this ambivalence (or have I, really ?!), I feel its time to write again. 

Things have changed and I have changed, and if its for the better or worse, only time will tell. 

Its been two years since we returned from Australia but seems much longer. 

The rhythm of Australia life was hard to get over and life in India is always eventful, new scenarios, new issues and challenges every other day. It was irritating at first but I have come to enjoy them now and can't imagine a life without these; Australian life seems very bland compared to the spice of Indian life. 

Some days things seem to be happening on the career front, but the pace is so slow, I can hardly realize the change and it frustrates me. Everything that happens to us is for a purpose and that purpose is usually understood after a long gap,  when one looks back at the years as a consolidated whole. 

Am thinking this period is a flux too and am trying to understand, in vain, a process that is still in the making. Give it time I tell myself ..and then contradict myself by saying "There is NO time" ! 

As I write I realize, articulating confusion also needs some amount of clarity and writing it down somehow takes out the edge; a therapeutic experience no less, to be able to type away while also trying to structure random thoughts into words and sentences. 

Having to post it though is scary, for am at the risk of being judged and that's a risk am ready to take now, as the years have matured me. 

ನಾನೂ ಒಮ್ಮೆ ಬರೆಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದೆ

ನಾನೂ ಒಮ್ಮೆ ಬರೆಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದೆ 

ಹಳೆ ಡೈರಿಯ ಹಾಳೆಗಳಲಿ 

ಪುಟ್ಟ ಕೈಗಳ ಗೀಚಕ್ಷರಗಳಲಿ 

ಬಾಲ್ಯದ ಮುಗ್ಧತೆಯಲಿ 

ಯೌವ್ವನದ ಹುಮ್ಮಸ್ಸಿನಲಿ 

ಜಗವನು ಗೆಲ್ಲುವ ಛಲದಲಿ

ಸುಖ, ದುಃಖ, ರೋಷ, ಕೋಪದಲಿ 

ಮನಸ್ಸಿಗೆ ಬಂದುದು, ಇದ್ದದ್ದು ಇದ್ದ ಹಾಗೆ 

ನಾನೂ ಒಮ್ಮೆ ಬರೆಯುತ್ತಿದ್ದೆ !

 ಬುದ್ಧಿ ಬಲಿದು ಬೆಳೆದು ನಿಂತಾಗ -

ದೇಶ ವಿದೇಶಗಳ ಅಲೆದಾಟದಲಿ

ನಾ ಯಾರು, ಏನೆಂಬ ಹುಡುಕಾಟದಲಿ, 

ಜೀವನದ ಗೊಂದಲ, ಜಂಜಾಟದಲಿ,

ಸರಿ ತಪ್ಪುಗಳ ಹೊಯ್ದಾಟದಲಿ 

ಮೌನಗಳ  ಕೂಗಾಟದಲಿ

ಕೈ ನಡುಗಿದೆ, ಧ್ವನಿ ಉಡುಗಿದೆ ...

ಹೇಳಲೇನೋ ನೆನೆದುದು ಬಿಸಿ ತುಪ್ಪದ ಹಾಗೆ -

ಎಳೆ ಎಳೆ ಬಿಡಿಸಿ ಹೇಳಲಾಗದೆ,

ಹಾಗೆ ಹೇಳದೆ ಇರಲೂ ಆಗದೆ,

ಸ್ಮಾರ್ಟ್ ಫೋನಿನ ಪುಟ್ಟ ಪರದೆಯಲಿ 

ನಾಲ್ಕು ಸಾಲು ಕಿಟಿ ಕಿಟಿಸಿ, 'ಪೋಸ್ಟ್' ಮಾಡಿ,

'ಲೈಕ್' ಗಳಿಗಾಗಿ ಹಪಹಪಿಸಿ 

ಬರೆದದೆಲ್ಲ ಅರೆ ಹಸಿ, ಅರೆ ಹುಸಿ; 

ಮನದಾಳದ ಮಾತು ಅಲ್ಲೇ ಬಾಕಿ !! 

Enjoying innocence

While am enjoying my second son's little conversations in cute little words like 'Ma', 'Pa' , 'Grr' ( for truck!), am also having fun conversing with my older one. The mix of innocence and logic always catches me off-guard, never fails to surprise me. Am writing down a few gems I remember, for the sake of posterity ! :)

My uncle had passed away that day and we were just back from the funeral. I started to explain to my five year old son with a lot of hesitation about what had happened. My aunt would give him juice every time he visited them, so he would call her 'Juice Ajji' , so I started saying " You know the Taatha in Juice Ajji's house, he is no more"
P1: "Where is he"?
Me: " He is gone"
P1: " Near God?"
Me: "Yes, so next time you go to their house, you should not ask where Taatha is, okay?"
P1 thought about this for about five seconds and said
"okay ... but I can still drink juice right?!! "
 At this moment, the innocence in his question diffused the sadness and seriousness of the situation and erupted laughter.

 We were sitting in a restaurant , ordered food and waiting, and P1 was talking non-stop. The place was empty except for two other tables that were occupied and folks there were busy eating. Since I was getting embarrassed by his loud chatter, I told him -
" See, you are the only one talking in this whole restaurant, every one else is silent"
He saw around the room and said
" Everyone has got their food, so they are busy eating. We haven't got ours, so am talking !"
I didn't have anything to counter this logic, as it made perfect sense. :)

This weekend I had a tough time making him finish his homework. When he was finally done, I asked him
"Last time you finished your homework so soon, why did you take so long this time? "
P1: "I had to write lots of numbers ... from 101 to 200 ! thats why"
Me: "Writing 1 to 100 is the same as writing 101 to 200"
and guess what P1 says
P1: "but I had to write 3 digits, that's why it took longer !"
Making your kid do as you say is one thing, but countering his logic is something else!

Serious talk !

In the small reflective moment one has minutes before drifting to sleep, my son wondered aloud today about where his friend would go after her marriage. I tried to allay his fears of separation by saying ...

Me: Its a long way to go ...why are you worrying about marriage so soon ? she still has to complete 12th standard and then do a degree , then probably a master degree, then find a job, save money and then ...

Him: Marriage ... and reception ( a pause ) .. and ice-cream ! ( his face lit up at the thought ) "Am just going to have ice-cream first thing in the Reception !"

Me: whose reception ?

And pat comes the reply -
"Mine !!!"

At that moment, my act of seriousness crashed and I burst out laughing ...
All this coming from a four and a half year old boy , wondering about his five year old friend's marriage !